Remembrance Day

My Honey Bear,

I miss you everyday. My heart is still in pieces since you left. You are part my heart, the part that still chokes me up and brings me to tears every time I think of you, see your photo or talk to you. Thank you for helping me with our new Gidget. Teaching her how to trust and not be so afraid. 

Thank you for being my best friend for all those years. Thank you for all the love you gave me and all the trust you had in me to take care of you. I miss hugging you and kissing you. I miss pulling you close to me when I wake up in the middle of the night and you are there next to me.

I hope you are happy where you are up there where ever you are. I hope the big guy Steve is taking good care of you and that he is hugging you and kissing you for me. I can't wait till I get to see you again someday.

All my love my beautiful baby girl,

Your Mommie

Mommie gotted a noo furrend

Growing Up Gidget

Mommie gotted a noo kitteh furrend.  Mommie wuz furry lonely and wuz furry sad and missin me and missin a kitteh to talk to.

Baby Pictures

I found these in a photo album, predates digital camera

LoveIsLove

My dream

She came up on the bed first and was translucent, i could see her but I could see through her and then she went over by the closet door by the window so I got up and picked her up and hugged her and told her that I love her and I miss her.  And she talked to me in a very distinct out load voice, a voice that I have never heard before, I had to move her away in my arms to look at her mouth to see if her mouth was moving, but she was "thought" talking to me. a mile a minute.  telling me that she was OK, she is fine and there was green grass, and she was free of her sick body,  and that she loves me and she knows that I love her.   She was more of a younger version of herself physically, very hyper and full of energy. 
Then I woke up very quickly and thanked her out loud for visiting me. 

I spoke to the animal communicator later that same day in the evening.  She said Honey was very proud of her self and proud of me that we made such great contact in the dream.  The animal communicator said is it very rare that when animal souls visit that they actually talk.

See you in my dreams

Honey came to me in my dreams last night.  It healed my heart a little.  I got to hug her and tell her that I love her and I miss her.

Thank you all for your kind words

It is so lonely and quiet here without my girl.  My sorrow is beyond words.

Her passing was very peaceful and beautiful.  She was so brave.

Song to see you through

Song to See You Through

Honey Sunshine haz left da building

Honey went to the rainbow bridge about 5:20 pm today.  She was wrapped up in 2 of her favorite plush blankets on a sofa in a private office at the Arden Animal Hospital, our regular vet, while I was rubbing her head.  She was my BFFF.  It was very hard but it was the right time.  I am heartbroken.

Honey, I hope you are running and jumping now and eating everything in sight.  I love you.

Please remember my girl as healthy and slightly plump and sassy like she was before all this bad stuff happened.

Honey sez today iz da day to say gudbye

i wunts no more yuckies an no more stabbies, i yam dun..........jus kiss me gudbye

Update

I don't know what to write anymore.  One day I think everything could be alright and the next day I'm not so sure.

She had her one week recheck.  Her numbers where slightly higher than when she came home, she came home with a  creatinine of 2.9 and it is now 3.2.  She has a kidney infection leading to possible CRF.  The antibiotics make her nauseous and give diarrhea so she does not eat much.  She has another recheck next Monday.  She is still on IV fluids, this morning was a failure but yesterday I did good at it, I will try again later.  They only other antibiotic that would work has a rare side effect of blindness, so we are sticking with the clavamox and some anti-diarrhea.  The kidney issue produces excess stomach acid, she has generic pepcid to take but they are pills and she won't take them so I crush them into her food, which she does not eat much of.

I am so disappointed is the lack of advances in feline veterinary medicine.   When I expressed this to the vet, she said yes, canine medicine is far advanced than feline.  why is that?  Cats live way longer than dogs for the most part.  Makes me want to go into Veterinary medical research, but I'm too old to start that now, if only I had know then what I know now.

This morning I was ready to let her go, but I did some research this morning.  The kidney infection is slow to heal because there is not alot of blood circulation for the kidneys and medicine is hard to get to the kidneys so it takes along time on antibiotic.  Also, she could live quite along time, months to even years, even tho her creatinine level is elevated.   I am lining up a mobile vet just in case for when I will need it so Honey can die at home and not at the crazy vet office.

Does anyone out there have any experience with this?

i hadded a gud day today

cept mommie keeps pokin me an gitten water all ofur me an squirten yuckie stuff down my froat

Ups and downs

The early morning started out with her eating then throwing up and diarrhea.  Then all the meds and fluid, then naps.  Then an episode of light seizure like thing from hyper tension, followed by more fluids and a call to the doctor.  Seems her reassessment is to be in a week not 2 weeks, the girls messed up, so maybe Tuesday now.  She had some probiotics for the diarehea and is resting.

It's very touch and go, i will let her decide when the time is but I won't be rushing her to the ER or the hospital anymore, too much stress and too much false hope.

Doing a little better today

still fragile but eating and sleeping good, haven't got to IV her yet today cause she keeps going back to sleep in the cave I made for her on the bed.  But boy is she snugly,  climbing into my lap while I'm working and wanting hugs.

She is home

well.....this is a deep subject.  We came home yesterday around 4pm.  Honey had to case the joint for several hours before settling down.  I was almost thinking that she had been gone so long that she didn't remember that she lived here.

I ran to the grocery store while she was wandering around, i came home 20 minutes later to find the internet modem on the floor in the bedroom.  Seems that she somehow got tangled in the wires that are behind a fake plant and unplugged the modem and pulled it down to the floor from the dresser.  I don't know if it hit her, thank dog that it is made of plastic.  She was hiding in the closet so i grabbed her and cuddled her.  She has never even gone near these wires before.

things are very touch and go... she didn't eat or drink anything last nite.  she came up in the middle of the night and snuggled with me.  I think I've been awake since 2 am.  I work from about 5:30 am till 3 pm, I'm working from home now.

This morning I got her antibiotic into her and the appetite stimulant.  Then later I got her IV fluids into her.  She is eating and drinking.  She is very skinny and wobbly.  I couldn't get the pepcid into her, the doctor still thinks she is having stomach issues too, nothing really defined here.

We have 2 weeks of all these meds then a reassessment as to whether she is gaining weight, if her kidney levels hold stable numbers and if she ever decides to eat without medicine.

She didn't get a lot of rest in the hospital, there were noisy dogs whining everywhere.

Today's Update

creatinine level 2.9 from 3.2 yesterday, can come home tomorrow or day after.  She will be on special diet and IV fluids and appetite stimulants if she doesn't eat properly. 

She wouldn't eat when I was there today at noon but it was very noisy in there.

Sunday Update

her number are continuing to come down, 3.2 from 3.8 yesterday.  she ate food off of my finger and also ate food from the dish when i put it in front of her. she still will be in the hospital for at least 2 more days.  Look at how cute my baby is.

update

Her marker numbers are coming down but she is still not eating.  The doctor says he feels that her kidneys are not hurting like they were.  I visited at noon today and they put us in a room so Honey could wander around.  She seems to be acting like she feels a little better. Her creatinine level was 3.8 today down from 4.9, still needs to be down closer to 2.0

Hospital Visit

I feel better after visiting Honey.  I met the doctor today and he is hopeful that it's a kidney infection, fingers crossed.  They will retest her levels tomorrow to see if there is any progress in her kidney levels.  She would not purr for me but she has some attitude and her tail was flicking cause there was noise in there and a dog was whining.  I can visit her tonight again at 7pm.  That's her blanket I brought from home for her, I slept with it last night so it would smell like me.

Update

sigh.......I am heartbroken.  My baby is in the hospital.  She wasn't there sleeping with me last night or when I woke up in the middle of the night.  I cried, I'm crying now.  I called to check on her around 5:30 am, she wasn't there to wake me this morning.  They say she is doing ok right now.  The doctors do their rounds between 8:30-9:30 am and will call me around 10.  Visiting hours are noon-2 and 7-9 pm.  I want her to have her blanket that has both our smells on it.  She has had no more episodes.  Kidneys malfunctioning can cause high blood pressure hence, seizure/stroke is possible.  They've given her fluids, potassium and antibiotics.

I will have to let he go if that is what she decides she needs to do.  I think the chemo did this.  I wish we would have stopped with just the radiation.  I should have know better.

The other shoe has dropped...

Honey had either a stroke or a seizure around 5pm today.  She is in the hospital.  Seems the kidney's are the culprit.  She will be in there for at least 3 days. either she has a infection in her kidneys or she is in renal failure...

my heart is breaking

Honey went to the specialty vet yesterday, to an internal medicine guy.  They did an ultra sound and everything looks OK.  They did a blood test for the pancreas and for her b12 levels, this will be back in a few days.  Honey got a b12 shot and a shot of anti nausea.  Other than pending results from  the blood test, everything is OK with Honey, no cancer, no indicators of anything on her blood panel.

While i was back home working , waiting for them to finished the ultrasound on Honey, I had scheduled a call with Carla Simmons.  I explained to her all that had went on since I last spoke to her which was right before Honey's surgery.  She spoke to Honey and explained to her that there was no more cancer and the bad parts were over.  She said it is like Honey has forgotten how to eat well.  Carla did a body scan on Honey next.  She said that she did not feel that there was anything wrong with Honey other than: "her heart is tight, clenched, there is no joy in her heart".  She is "waiting for the other shoe to drop".  "Her digestion is ok, but there is no spark in her digestive tract".

The b12 shot and the anti nausea shot did nothing to help Honey to eat last night.  She was pretty pissed off when she got home from the vet yesterday.  Probably because she knew that there was nothing wrong with her.  I had to work from home today because i had to get some food into her this morning.  I gave her a little appetite stimulant this morning and she has eaten some.  She slept curled up next to me all night last night.

My heart is breaking, I don't know what to do.....

Pleasantly plump and sassy....not so much

my baby, before the tumor, was pleasantly plump and sassy, not fat, but a good weight, a happy girl.  These days she is super skinny, barfing at least once every 10 days, sometimes food sometimes just bile, and not really her old self.  We have an appointment with an internal medicine doctor next Monday.  I have spoken with my 2 vets and her oncologist.  They don't think there is more cancer.  Honey will barely eat without appetite stimulants and she is super skinny.  I have bought all kinds of foods to tempt her, which Elvira is now eating.  I got some anti nausea medicine compounded to a liquid and she threw that up 5 seconds after she took it..

I feel that she has tummy issues, maybe nauseous but I can't get any meds into her, she won't eat them.  She never was a hearty eater except of temptations.  I also feel that she is psychologically kind of traumatized.  She was eating fine until she started the chemo treatments.

Maybe I'll get a hold of the the animal communicator again. 

Attenshun...mommie haz a sickie

mommie woke up wif a sickie in her froat.  akshully, she was awake all nite hacking and interuppting mai be-u-ti sleeps.  I will haz to catch up on mai sleeps today.

Caturday repurrt

I still growing whiskers back, some ov them are growing in black, an they are all short right now.  
mommie made me anufur kitten cave on da bed dis mornin.  Mommie cleaned all da winders today and all of the glass covered posters while listening to a 2 hours live show of Tom Petty and da hartbreakers, den she did laundry and went to traders joes, right now we are wacthering the new orleans jazz and heritage festival on AXS, we jus watched widespread panic and da WHO iz on at 6pm  pst.  woohoo!!!!  Mommie sez her bak hurties from werkin so hard today.  dats whut happen wen yoo r old.

Easy like Sunday

had a couple of barfies but mommie thinks it's frum her feeding me all kinds of noo fuds that i do not really like.  I wint fur a checkup at my regular vet last week and i haz lost 2 pound since October, thatz ofur 18 purrcent of my original body wate.  Dey stole mi bluds and sed der is nofing rong wif me.

Easy Like Sunday

 in mai kitten cave

Caturday

Toesday

look, mai furs are trying to grow back on mai ballerina foot.

Mommie suked up da bird in da rug sukin monster yesterday and had to stop and unwind it bak off ov da roller and put da bird bak together agin.

Caturday Repurrt

so...i haz not barfed in 2 weeks now and i haz not had iny appetite stimulants fur ofur a week.  and I am eatin better than i haz in dat last 5 weeks.  I had to cuz mommie gotted blunt wif me an tol me dat she did not wunt me to die dat she needed me and dat meant i needed to start eatin more fuds.   i wuz kinda depressed but i haz snapped out ov it cuz i wunt to stay wif mommie.  we r BFFF's.

Elvira

dis iz Elvira.  She and her daddy, Manny, live down at da end ov our driveway.  Manny haz to leave the country fur werkie sometimes and sometimes we finks dat he jus goes surfin(wez do not lifs neer da ocean).

Manny came by last month an tol mommie dat he wuz gonna be gone till june and ofured us monies to feed Elvira.  well mommie turned down da monies becuz mommie feeds elvira all da time, she gits mi left ofurs and beleeves me, dere r plenty ov left ofurs since i do not eats efurrything, stuff dat wood jus git thrown away.  mommie jus freshes up the left ofur stinky fuds wif water and throws in some crunchies and elvira eats it up.

tho recently, elvira, who does not meow, she kind of jus wines, she is a bengal and a winey wun,  she wined when mommie putted sum ov mi left ofur fuds out fur her.  mommie hadded to take the dish bak in, puts sum water in it and fluff it up a bit and put the bowl bak out, so den she wood eat it.  she iz silly.  our neighbor Paul helps us feed her too.

jus hangin in there

i wuz napping on top of the cushion on the back ov da sofa.  i finkin dat i melted a little and started runnin down da front ov da cushions.

Inky Dinky Honey size portions ov fuds

 see, trying to grow bak mi whiskers

mommie gotted dis fuds and i has bin eatin wif no barfies.  an i git one in da mornin and one in da evenins.  dat way my fuds are not all dried out by suppertime.

Sunday Funnies

Mommie thot that always posting about me sik wuz gittin to be a bummer, so here are sum sunday funnies.

Caturday

we wuz so so ready to repurrt dat da barfies were gone an den i barfied last nite.  mommie tinks dat is wuz my noo fuds.  i had bin eatering my fancy feast den yesterday mommie gave me dat sweet potato stuff, i eated it but den i barfied aroun 8 pm, noo fuds all came bak up.

So mommie is of to petsmart today to stock up on my fancy feasts.

Woohoo!

so munday mornin i hid unner the bed when mommie was leavin becuz i figgered that i hadn't bin to da v-e-t in ofur 2 weeks and i wuz sure dat i wuz overdo to go and den......mommie left fur werk and left me home....woohoo!

Fur -i-day

so we thot the barfies were gone and den i barfed agin after bisiting the laydees room, but i haz bin eating real guds, an i am feelin real more nermal too,  I yam still werkin on growing mi hares and whiskers bak too.  da wether has bin guds so i haz bin werkin on mi fur tan a little.  it iz nice an warm.

Guess wat?

Mommie came home today aroun 9:30 becuz the innerwebs wuz down at da werkie and efun da phone did not werk becuz da phone are innerwebs too.  So mommie iz home wif me but she has to werkie frum here!  it is guds dat mommie iz home becuz she founds a drippie unner da chicken sink so da plummer iz comin tomarow, so mommie will be here tomarow too.  woohoo!

I haz not bin eatin berry much fuds so mommie gave me a tiny bit of appetite stimulant and i eated guds last nite.  mommie sez i yam berry skinny espesilly becuz she furminated me too.

R & R

i yam werking on rejuvinatin and regeneratin mi furs.

Fur-i-day

so before mommie got out of bed she thot that she wuz gonna post that i haz no barfies, but she got out ov bed and found a barfie on the tile floor.  seems dat mi temp-ta-shuns keep coming bak up.

so she iz trying a different treats fur mi.  

I am missing mommie becuz she goes to da werkie place efurryday now.

Fank yoo to da kitties fur da recent do-na-shuns.

Mommie had Paulina check in wif me to find out how I yam:


Below is what I have from our Ms. Honey Sunshine

3/12:

(How are you?) I am happy . I love my mom. Tell her I am fine (okay).

She is a joy and loves you dearly!

Hugs to both of you!!

Blessings,

Paulina 

Monday wifout mi mommie

mommie wint bak to werk today so i was home alone all day.  win she came home i greeted her at the door, i was excited dat she wuz home agin.  Den i sat on the winder sill and soaked in sum sunshine.  I barfed on the white tile agin while she wuz gone, rite outside of mi laydees room.  I dont no why i barfed, i eated reel guds yesterday, mommie wuz happee.

mommie thinks that the smell of mi poops now makes me barf becuz  more than once i haz barfed right outside of mi laydees room most times a soon as i am dun goin potty.

Caturday

so she finally forgave me yesterday afternoon, after she yelled at me from the back of the living room chair, I think her message was "I'm done with all this!!!"..  as of this morning she ate almost 2 fancy feast size cans of food, minus the stuff that went over the sides of the bowl, boy is she a messy eater, and she slept with me last night in between getting up to eat more food.  She doesn't have to go back for a checkup for 3 months.  

Thank you all that have made donations so far, every little bit helps, her bill for her final checkup was $901.00.  Her checkup in 3 months is only going to be a physical exam and no tests, thank cod.

Happy Caturday everyone!!